Monday, January 26, 2015

the state i'm in

I guess today is the day I'll have to finally admit it. I'm frustrated.

We have been in court since October 2013 and our case has made virtually NO progress. We have gotten a few documents. We have heard that a few others are signed. Yet we still do not have a final declaration, now do we have a final document stating that our Sweet C--our girl who has an actual name and and actual face and an actual need for a permanent family--is our actual daughter.

I realize that others are in a far more frustrating position than we are. After all, hundreds of children are legally adopted and unable to join their families because the final step of permanence and stability, a simple Exit Letter, is being halted at the moment. I understand that those families are incredibly frustrated, and with good reason. They have been waiting YEARS for their kids to come home. I'm frustrated for them.

But I'm frustrated for us and for C, too. I think it's safe to say we, as adoptive families of DRC, are one giant cluster of frustrated, tired, confused and hurting people.

I guess the thing that gets me is that there's not one thing I can do about it. If we were past court, I'd know that I could at least be checking on our I-600 investigation, her visa, her medicals, or, if nothing else, rewriting her full name, "C----- K---- Lotz," millions of times in different ways for fun. But we are here, without the distinct, legal declaration of "family" or "daughter" or "permanent" to hold us together.

And there's nothing I can do to check on our case. I check with our agency, but they haven't been able to share much information with us, except to tell us that it wouldn't help if we went over there to sit and personally talk--plead, really--with the judge on whose desk our papers have been siting for eternity.

If we were past this point, advocacy would be easier. I could be telling people our legal daughter is officially stuck. My Congresspeople would know me by name, and they would know just how many days and nights we've been waiting to bring our DAUGHTER home. But right now, as we are, we continue to lack definition and, therefore, a legal leg to stand on.

So today I'm frustrated and annoyed and confused, and a part of me might be a bit shut down emotionally. It is what it is, and I'd be lying if I said this wait is not getting to me, more so on some days than on others.

Friends, don't worry about me or text me to make sure I haven't done anything crazy. I'm fine; I just needed to vent. Tomorrow will be better. Hope is not lost.