Monday, November 10, 2014

groans

Last week we began praying big for specific results.

First, that we would get Sweet C's paperwork by last Friday so that I could finally go file paperwork in DRC and, most importantly, meet her in person.

Second, that the stuck children of DRC would be allowed to come home to their forever (legal adoptive) families by Christmas 2014. What a great Christmas present that would be!

We did not receive C's paperwork by Saturday of last week, so I guess you could say God's answer was "not yet."

This is always an answer that's hard to take. "Not yet." "Be patient." "In time." "Wait patiently."

It stinks, but our self-induced end-of-the-week deadline was rather arbitrary. So I continue to pray, but sometimes I lack the words. I've been writing down verses about God's character and promises--his promise to fight for his people, his defense of the fatherly, his compassion for the fatherless-- to pray back to God. (I shared some of them here and here.)

But sometimes I just say, "Lord, you know what I really want. I want her home. I want to get through this court process, meet her, hug her, smother her in love and bring her home with us forever. And I really want it soon."

And sometimes I think that's ok.

My dad had some major heart problems beginning the summer before my freshman year of college. He had several surgeries, stints, and--finally--a new heart valve. At one point, my family was brought back to the private room with the chaplain--never good--because my dad's heart was able to pump on its own after taking him off of the pump used during surgery.

You know how I prayed during this time? Uttering groans. Cries. Tears. Moans.

And I think that's ok.

God heard, no matter how it sounded. 

Romans (8:26) says that "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."

My mom shared that verse with me when my dad was experiencing all of his heart troubles, and I have never forgotten it. (My dad is healthy and as awesome as ever today, by the way.) 

I feel like I've had plenty of experience allowing the Spirit to intercede for me when all I can do is groan or--essentially--say, "Remember my prayer from earlier today? Here I am to repeat it."

So often, I am not sure what to even say to God. It's not that I'm mad...I'm just at a loss for words.

This court process is taking "forever." I have no idea why, but I can only gather that our agency is having difficulty obtaining our paperwork (like her Judgment, Supletiff Judgment, etc....and no, I don't really even know what all of those are).

There's a lot to be said for specific prayers, but maybe putting my own arbitrary timeline on C's case isn't in the best interest of any of us. It may, in fact, inhibit the work God is doing in us, in DRC, even in our church or family.

I have no way of knowing, but right before the verse mentioned above, there's this one: "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." --Romans 8:25

So, I will keep praying--and I ask that you do, too--that we get her paperwork SOON. ASAP. ANY SECOND.

Sometimes I believe my groans translate like this: "Bring her home in a time frame that absolutely blows our minds and reveals your power and brings you glory."

And for the stuck children of DRC, my prayers--along with literally thousands and thousands of others--are that they are home with their families for Christmas. Because I still believe in the power of prayer, and mostly, in the power of our great God.