Wednesday, September 3, 2014

little gems

Every now and then God gives me a little gem of something I'd be missing if I had not given in to his gentle nudges. Yesterday, I mentioned some of my qualms about venturing into "stay-at-home-mom-dom." One of my friends texted me last night to say she needed that post, and I responded with this:
[It was] more for me than for you. :o) I kind of word-vomited [yesterday's] post. I swear, two weeks ago I was all like, 'This is awesome. I am so content in life right now. So confident. So in the zone...' And then it (maybe the great deceiver) hit me: 'You are just a mom, and you're not even a good one. You are insignificant. And now you're insecure. Take that.' It has been a struggle to figure out my role right now, when I often feel like I should be 'doing something.'
If I was totally honest in that text, I would have also said that the deceiver fed me a bunch of other lies about my identity, and I ate them right up for a few days there, similar to the way I can eat an 12-piece cookie cake by myself over the course of two days.  I do not always allow these lies into my mind, but when I do they parade in with their buddies and throw me a huge pity party full of self-loathing and doubt.

Right after I hit send on that text I got a pretty nice gem of a message about my new role at home.

Brody walked over to me casually. "Mom" he said as he placed his hand on my shoulder. "I have something to tell you." Insert dramatic pause. "I love you, and thank you for everything." THIS KID.

I'm going to pretend he thought to do that all on his own, which is not out of the question. He is irresistibly sweet and outwardly focused on others. However, Brad might have planted those words into his fertile little mind five months ago and they randomly cropped up last night. Either way, they came at a great time when I was still processing yesterday's post and dealing with my misguided identity issues.

Things like this help when I'm cleaning up a Poo-casso or feeling like I should be "doing something." For the record, Brecken's hugs help, too. (He is a great hugger, when he so chooses, of course.)

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