Wednesday, June 12, 2013

In Case You're Wondering

In case you're wondering, right now as I type I am eating a bowl of ice cream. Well, truth be told it is actually melted cookie dough with chocolate and vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup on top (but I did just finish running, sooo...). Brody is eating yogurt without any clothes on, and Brecken is making his rounds under the table for scraps, occasionally begging either Brody or myself for some bites.

So, now that we've covered that, I'll let you in on another little secret: I'm not really very good at this stay-at-home mom stuff. Obviously, I LOVE my kids and thoroughly enjoy being home with them for most of the day (I work mornings and other random times during the summer), but I am also what you might call an introverted doer who likes (and in my opinion NEEDS) time alone to thought process, decompress,  make to-do lists and accomplish actual tasks that can be crossed off a list. Making lunch and feeding the boys does not go on a list, which means I feel like nothing ever really gets done around here. I come home when the boys have already taken or are in the process of taking a nap, so my "get it done" time is usually short, and even then I try to use it to work on school/volleyball stuff that actually MUST get done. That means my house remains a wreck with 52 home improvement projects left unfinished but started in some way, which is all the more awesome. (Exhibit A would be the wall in my kitchen that still lacks a baseboard because I had this great idea in my head to do a banquette but am stuck in a decision-making nightmare where I worry that I'll make the wrong one. Dag!)

I digress. I truly do love being home with the boys and I'm trying to savor every second of it, but it can be stressful and tiring, particularly when Brad and I are busy in other areas of life or when Brody poos in his Superman undies on the sidewalk or something. Not that that's happened or anything. (Insert thankful pause for the nannies who watch the boys while we're at work. By the way, it sounds really cool when I say we have nannIES, doesn't it? You'd think we were divorce attorneys or world leaders or the inventors of popsicles or something.) Anyway, I enjoy playing with the boys but also take an odd pleasure in getting things done, which doesn't really happen much anymore. So I'm getting over it and learning that it's a little bit worthless to keep my house clean, organized and "designed"  all the time (but I do indulge in an occasional  organization fest every now and then for my sanity's sake). And while I do feel great about being home with the boys, I find comfort in the fact that I don't have to enjoy every second like every well-intentioned person implies when they say, "Enjoy it now, because they grow up so fast." Thank you Steve Wiens for bringing the dose of reality that many parents need in their pity and fatigue-induced stupors.

And thank you, Kristen Howerton, for being intelligent and educated and adoption-minded and admitting that you're not a play-in-the-floor type mom. Don't get me wrong, I can tackle with the best of 'em, but when it comes down to it I would rather be playing catch with the boys or running with them or teaching them how to organize their shirts. Or just cleaning up their messes. 

I saw two of my friends from high school today at Target (where I would spend much of my time and money if I truly were a stay-at-home mom.....which would be BAAAADD, because Brad wouldn't be outside the store to send me the necessary "focus" text while I'm inside. That store is a TRAP, I tell you!) One of my friends has a boy who is Brody's age, and we spent much of our time talking about how to prepare our kids for transitions (Brody's having some separation anxiety when Daddy leaves...not cool). We concluded that, through experimentation, we've learned that everthing works out better when we  expain to our boys what's going to happen and when it will happen. But don't miss this: We learned this through the experience of messing it up several hundred times. My other friend has a cute little 2-month-old who was clothed in only a diaper because he brought forth a little mess on his clothes and she didn't bring any extras. "I'm a horrible mother," she said.

But she's not, and every other mother knows that. We've all learned through the school of projectile vomit or changing a dirty diaper while it was still in the making (catching poop in my hand...not really a big deal anymore). I'm not really that horrible of a mom either, even if my kids do spend their entire days in either undies and diapers and nothing else. ABSOLUTELY NO ONE gets it right the first time, and I do know there are better moms than myself, but my kids will probably benefit more from my mistakes than what I consider my triumphs anyway. And there are plenty more mistakes to be made...the teenage years anyone?!?

But I have digressed enough, and here is where I must end this deep diatribe. The bous and I have moved our party outside, and I now see that Brecken is eating cat food, so...